The End of Lily van der Woodsen
by velmavontussle
Summary: The infamous end of Lilian van der Woodsen and Rufus Humphrey. How it happened in my head. LilyxRufus


Hi. So, I wanted to write a little something-something on how I though Lily and Rufus' break-up happened. My inspiration for Lily was the line she tells Dan in 'High Society' about her mother knowing her better than she knew herself. Also, in this story there is mention of a wedding, that's because in my head, they were engaged. But it was a private engagement, and at this point in my messed up story line, Lily and Rufus have only told CeCe. It might sound really awful, but just please, read on.

* * *

The thick black Yves Saint Laurent mascara clumped on her eyelashes mixed with the water falling from her eyes – creating an inky liquid. Her mother looked at her, a fake sympathy smile plastered on her face. CeCe patted her twice on the back and spoke with complete detachment.

'You will be fine Lillian.'

Her mother walked back into the party, a champagne glass clamped in her right hand. Lily fell to the floor, tears streaming down her face, her heart screaming as she erupted into a silent sob. Suddenly her stomach began to twist and she ran into the bathroom, doubling up over the toilet and emptying out her stomach's contents.

There was a certain point when she ran out of 'ammunition'. Then she began to gag into the bowl, wanting to get rid of the guilt, wanting to puke the pain out of her body. Because now they were over, and there was no way out. Once the gagging finally ended, she collapsed onto the bathroom floor, sobbing silently, tears streaming down her pale face and washing all traces of blush off her cheeks. All that she could do was replay the conversation she had just endured.

* * *

Lily laughed at her mother, drowning her martini. She wore a low cut silk blue dress with red heels. Her hair was pulled up into a French twist. CeCe was smiling at her daughter knowingly.

'So what, you think that I will just leave Rufus, my boyfriend for what, 4 years, because you asked me to?' smirked Lily, sucking the olive off the stick in her drink. 'Besides, I only came here tonight because I wanted to officially tell you that you are cordially not invited to my wedding.'

'Of course I'm not. Because there won't be a wedding.' Cecilia spoke her second phrase with so much assurance that Lily was almost frightened, but she merely giggled at her mother's sentence, waving it off.

'Of course there will be. Lily Rhodes will become Lily Humphrey on April 21st.'

'No she won't, Lillian Rhodes will be crying on her sofa on April 21st.' Lily squinted at her mother, trying to catch her expression.

'How can you be so sure?'

'Because I know my daughter. And I know that when it comes to Rufus and your inheritance money will win out.' Lily's head shot up and she looked at her mother with narrow eyes.

'I've been living without money for 3 years. I think we'll do just fine.'

'Oh Lillian honestly! Do you really think that I haven't been supporting you? Don't lie to yourself Lillian, I raised you better than that. A rock star and his groupie won't exactly be financially comfortable. And what about those children that you want oh so much? What will life be like for Willow Jane and Cole Alexander Humphrey? What happens when they are put into foster care because their father is too busy writing songs and their mother is getting drunk at the local bar because her life turned out so badly.'

'That wouldn't –' argued Lily, tears forming in her eyes.

'Yes it would darling. You would be miserable without mommy dearest paying for every bill. And what about your dear Rufus? So many groupies, so little time.'

'He would never. He hasn't ever –' sobbed Lily, a tear falling down her cheek as she struggled to fight for what they had.

'Give up Lily. Don't you want what's best for your future?' Cece cupped the side of Lily's face, smiling at her crying daughter.

'You will be fine Lillian.'

* * *

2 hours later Lily Rhodes knocked on her apartment door, waiting for him to appear. He did, in his pyjamas, clearly interrupted from a deep slumber.

'Hey Lil, why didn't you use your key, it's 1 a.m.?' A little while later he noticed the mascara dripping down her face. The hair that had been freed of its pins, and the heel that was broken.

'Lily, are you OK?' He had never seen her like this and he loved her too much to not be worried. She didn't reply; she merely tangled her fingers into his hair, bringing her lips towards his. She kissed him with so much force, her arms thrown around his shoulders as she said everything that she could not phrase with words. She shyly grabbed his hand, pulling him into their room. Suddenly the last time felt like the first.

* * *

When Rufus woke up she was gone. There was no trace of Lily in the apartment, nothing even resembling his girlfriend. However, there was a note taped over a picture of the two of them in Central Park, kissing. He ripped it out of its current position and hungrily read. The note was written in red marker and it merely contained a few words.

'I'm sorry.

I will never stop loving you. I couldn't if I tried.

I don't expect you to understand. Not even I understand.

I love you,

Lily.'

In the drawer there was the t-shirt she slept in every night. The black one with the words 'Lincoln Hawk' placed right in the centre. There was also the bill from their first date, which of course she kept. And then there was her camera, the camera that contained her life's secret ambition, the camera that contained everything that Lily Rhodes was. There was something that was missing, something that he wished he had left. Lily.

* * *

The cab ride was unending. Her suitcase was tossed in the trunk, and she played with the ring on her left hand. She placed it in back in its box, unable to give it back to him yet unable to let it rest on her hand. She lived for him. Everything that she had done in the past four years was for him, and she knew that worked vice-versa. When she rang her mother's doorbell, she felt everything that she was slowly die away. He never stopped calling, it was months before he gave up, and she wished that he hadn't. They were broken without each other, and they were both completely aware. That should only make everything simple, but it only underlined what they could never have.

* * *


End file.
